how to win friends and influence people

If you’re a 21st-century holy warrior, the world is your oyster, courtesy of the Internets. Should you decide to embark upon this path, here’s a primer on how to wage “media jihad”:

“Raiding American Forums is Among the Most Important Means of Obtaining Victory in the Fierce Media War… and of Influencing the Views of the Weak-Minded American”

Indicate You Are an American

“Invent Stories About American Soldiers You Have [Allegedly] Personally Known”

And my personal fave:

How to Make Americans Feel Frustrated With Their Government

“You should enter into debate or respond only if it is extremely necessary… Your concern should [only] be introducing topics which… will cause [them to feel] frustration and anger towards their government…, which will… render them hostile to Bush… and his Republican Party and make them feel they must vote to bring the troops back from Iraq as soon as possible.”

Hey! I think it’s working!