chump alert

[[scroll all the way down for an update]]

What if, while everyone’s celebrating and planning the coming of Paradise with the ascension of the Democrats, those evildoers who haven’t given up on the Bush Doctrine are already planning their next move?

Chris at A Large Regular speculates in this satire (lots of fun for those of us who know the Republicans’ wily ways when it comes to the black arts of PR):

Rummy: Nobody saw this move coming yesterday. Nobody was prepared. It was a brilliant shifting of weight. Yesterday was supposed to be the Democrats big day. They were all going to wear new suits and dresses and give speeches congratulating themselves and talking about how they were going to fix the country. Instead all the news programs spent that time speaking about my resignation and today all the print media will be talking about me and my successor. The Democrats can’t even complain because they have been practically begging for my resignation. By the time this dies down - nobody will want to look at their new suits or pretty dresses and they sure won’t want to hear their flowery speeches because the time would have been well past that. The bonus is that the Main Stream Media doesn’t even see how they were used. Brilliant move by the President.

ALR: But Mr. Secretary are you saying your tenure as Secretary of Defense was ended simply to control news cycles?

Rummy: Goodness no. When all is said and done I will be the longest serving Secretary of Defense in history. All Secretaries of Defense step down. This just happened to be the right time for me and if the President was able to time the announcement to take the wind out the sails of some blowhards well then that’s just gravy. The important thing to me is that our brave men and women serving in Iraq and Afghanistan are honored and protected and I think this resignation helps with those ends.

ALR: Again Mr. Secretary I apologize but I don’t follow your reasoning.

Rummy: Well Chris you understand the process involved here correct? It will be a few months before Bob Gates even gets his confirmation hearing. The administration will be able to use the confirmation hearings and my farewell tour to reinforce the case of what we are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

ALR: Mr. Secretary can you elaborate on that a little more?

Rummy: Sure Chris. You see between now and the confirmation hearings I will be going back to Iraq on several occasions. The media normally just covers bad news from Iraq but this time they will have no choice. They will have to get soldiers reaction to my resignation and how they feel about their mission in Iraq. A great percentage of the soldiers really believe in their mission and the American people will see that. Oh and the confirmation hearings are a trap for the Democrats. You’d think they would have learned from the Justice Roberts hearings but I guess not.

ALR: Can you share with us what you foresee happening at the confirmation hearings?

Rummy: Oh its going to be great theater. The back seat drivers will finally have to go on record for what they think is the best course instead of always complaining that we just missed a turn.

Something like this might well happen: we shall see. I say that as a caution to over-optimistic Democrats, who have a dumb tendency to underestimate their enemies (near and far), and who really need to grow up.

If the Republican democracy-promoters (aka “neocons”) manage to avoid being buried under the Realist Avalanche that’s coming their way (it’s a three-pronged attack, as far as I can see: the Baker-Hamilton Iraq Study Group; Bob Gates as SecDef; and, bringing up the rear, our pals Walt and Mearsheimer—and that’s just the Republican contingent! let’s wait to hear from the Democrats!—it will certainly take some doing.

p.s.: infotainment alert!

Don’t forget that the MSM which today tells you an optimistic story about the Democrats can, at the drop of a hat, tell you a story painting the Democrats as losers—if it makes a more captivating story. Tune in tomorrow!

Are we having fun yet?

update: Hitchens, in a remarkably sanguine-sounding column, has this to say about Gates:

The appointment of Robert Gates, a somewhat undistinguished head of the CIA, is a nod to those of the “realist” school in Washington who have long wanted a less ambitious role for the United States in Iraq. (Vice President Cheney apparently lobbied for a neo-conservative successor but was over-ruled in favour of a pragmatist.) With this appointment, and with new faces running the key House committees in Washington, the issue of withdrawal has now been squarely raised and has become much more a question of how and when than of whether.